How To Get Your Kids to Help With Chores

Last Updated on Tuesday, 23 November 2010 12:24 Written by Consuelo Serbia Monday, 30 August 2010 07:31

By Jeanne Labana

Getting kids to do chores has to be one of the top 10 issues I, as a parent coach, work with parents on. If you've ever asked a child to do assigned chores, you know it's paramount to pulling teeth. Most of the time it's easier to do it ourselves, rather than the fight and struggle it takes to get the child to do them. The effort it takes to force the tasks is sometimes not worth the effort! But the long term positive effects of chores such as connecting as a family, social responsibility and pride of a job well done will make you reconsider!

Teaching responsibility for self, family, community and world begins at home with the assignment of chores. Chores provide concrete teaching of social responsibility. We all contribute to the functioning of the group. The experience of contribution illustrates directly to a child of any age the needs of the family are an equal responsibility of every member. Each member contributes as they are able. For example, a two-year old may be able to take his dinner plate from the table to the counter while a 10 year old can take a turn at washing dishes. Each individual developmentally appropriate contribution strengthens the child's connection to the family.

The best starting place to get chores done with minimal parent effort is the attitude we portray. Chores tend to be seen as a forced task, something that is sure to produce a power struggle. Children will use unique and creative ways to avoid while parent use force, coercion and just plain fighting. The bickering back and forth creates an atmosphere of antagonism---not a good place to live in harmony.

Placing chores as an expected contribution changes the dynamics. However you choose to assign tasks (charts, pick a job jar, rotating assignments, etc) it becomes an expectation rather than a suggestion. Those chores are expected before other activities occur such as sports, friends, media use, meals, fun times, etc. Complaints and excuses just are not allowed. If children can't things done on time, it is their responsibility to make other arrangements. Those adaptations might be to trade chores with another family member, paying someone else to do them or rearranging their schedule to get them done (getting up ½ hour earlier for example). The hard part for a parent is to stay out of their problem solving process. You can offer suggestions, if asked, but the final solution has to be the child's knowing the consequences if their responsibilities are not met (see article on logical consequences).

Chores can be fun! Families can choose to all do their chores at the same time, after dinner for example and then marvel at the wonderful jobs everyone has done. Or turning on the music LOUD while cleaning a room, folding laundry, preparing a meal or sweeping a floor. Nothing binds a family better than singing together and then laughing about it. My children still talk about the times we used to make up silly versions of the songs they liked. None of them remember it was times we were doing chores! There was no arguing about "why do we have to..." as we danced and sang ourselves through the breakfast clean up.
Give your kids the gift of a lifetime - preparing them for the real world of responsibilities by offering the experience of chores to them now. Helping them to grow into independent, contributing members of this universe will create productive, sustainable and happy adults. You've done your job!

Jeanne Labana, M.S.
Love and Logic Facilitator
PCI Certified Parent Coach®