By Sakshi Narula Bhatnagar

I have heard many people say I have sacrificed so much for my family, my spouse, my children and so on and so forth. They say parents have to sacrifice for their kids. Wives have to sacrifice for husbands and vice-versa. You have to sacrifice and struggle so much to enjoy good things in life.

To such people my first question is that if whatever you are doing is sacrifice then how can that feel good. I can understand a person wanting give to his children unconditionally and lovingly. Giving makes you feel great. It gives you a high of righteousness. It is a feeling unmatched. But when you sacrifice, you struggle, you try to do something for others happiness by killing your own happiness.

Let's take an example. A couple wants to head out for dinner every Saturday night followed by a late night movie. They have a year old baby and do not want to disturb the kids' routine and generally leave the kid with the grandparents on Saturdays. On a certain Saturday the kid is unwell and the parents have to stay home to take care. And then on a Monday morning I hear the parents crib that they had to stay up all night to take care of their kid and the weekly outing was upset. The cherry on the cake is the last line from the mother, "you have to sacrifice so much for your children". Now something that the parents should have given their child became such a sacrifice.

There is no greatness in sacrificing. It's foolish and the worst thing anybody can do. In the example above, if I took care of my baby, I would call it giving lovingly. Anything for my children and family! One belittles oneself by sacrificing for another. Let's take another example. I heard a woman tell me how she diligently went to an orphanage every year to give the kids there things that they needed. After giving she would feel elated and very happy inside that she was so happy seeing the smiling faces of these kids upon receiving gifts from her. Yet in her own life she was as unhappy as she could never get along with her children. They always had differences in opinion and constant arguments. Well, she was for one always saying that she and her husband had sacrificed so much for their children and expected them to be respectful of that. They wanted their children to agree with them on everything. A woman who went all out to shower gifts on outsiders could not see the logic of showering the same on her children lovingly. She wanted her children to feel burdened by her sacrifices than being grateful for all the good things they had done as parents. Respect never comes out of a sacrifice, it comes from giving lovingly.

So give all you can and feel happy that you gave something, show that you are happy giving it. Whether it is donating at an orphanage or giving your kids a huge hug when they are unhappy or unwell or making an exquisite meal for your family and friends. Do what makes you happy, everything else will follow. Do not let the agony of parting with something while giving show. It becomes sacrificing then. A sacrifice never made anyone happy. Life is about win-win solutions and giving is one of them.